When Cute Mannerisms Become Irritations

"I used to love it when you'd try to help me. Now it's just annoying."

“I used to love it when you’d try to fix me. Now it’s just annoying.”

It happens in every marriage. That cute mannerism you used to find so endearing while dating now drives you up the wall. That thing your partner did which was once attractive is now aggravating. A young couple gaga in love wholly embraces each other’s quirky habits, but fast forward a bunch of years and those quirky habits now drive each other bat guano crazy. Here are some examples I’ve collected over the years.

I used to love her helping heart. Now she’s off saving the world and I gotta cook dinner.

I used to love his pensive seriousness. Now I wish he’d open up and be more talkative.

I used to love his giving spirit. Now I wish he’d give to me and the kids and not all the neighbors.

I used to love her career accomplishments. Now I wish she had more time for family.

I used to love his relationship with his mother. Now I wish he’d stop calling her 4 times a day.

I used to love her laid back attitude. Now I’m annoyed she’s late for everything.

I used to love her spontaneity. Now I think she’s ADD.

I used to love his black and white thinking. Now I wish he wasn’t so stubborn.

I used to love her innocence. Now I wish she wasn’t so gullible.

I used to love his cool demeanor. Now he won’t talk to me.

I used to love his hard working attitude. Now he’s a workaholic and I never see him.

I used to love my wife’s body. Now all she does is work out.

I used to love his humor. Now he sounds like an immature dork.

I used to love her jokes. Now she never takes anything seriously.

I used to love his attention. Now I feel controlled.

I used to love it that he listened to me. Now he gets irked if I talk to anyone else.

I used to love her compliance. Now she seems like a doormat.

I used to love him letting me decide things. Now he makes me decide everything.

I used to love her as the life of the party. Now she never shuts up.

I used to love his risk taking. Now he seems utterly irresponsible.

I used to love it that she’s smokin’ hot. Now I’m angry guys stare at her.

These annoyances are tolerable in small doses. In large doses we get annoyed! Why do we get turned off by the very thing that attracted us to our mates in the first place? Because disillusionment sets in. What initially brought a big pay off of joy, entertainment, and warm fuzzies, eventually fails to deliver. We get acclimated, we get numb, we take our partners for granted. Like a drug addict who needs bigger and bigger hits, couples, if they’re not careful, need bigger and bigger relational pay offs.

Next blog: what to do about marital irritations.

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1 Comment

  1. John

     /  April 7, 2014

    You hit the nail on the head. Could not agree more. Relationships are work. Most folks see relationships like getting a new puppy or kitten, however, once the puppy or kitten grows out of its cute and cuddly stage, they toss it to the side and it becomes a nuisance or, they just lose interest. Given our recycle-minded mentality, we euthanize (metaphor for divorce) our current loved one and, just go out and get a new one. Traditional values and hard work are becoming more and more far from the norm. Just like common sense.

    Reply

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